I went to the store
I bought some gum.
I didn’t have enough change,
I had to go home.
Oh yes I felt
pretty damn poor.
But what do I,
Need money for?
I forgot to do my homework,
Algebra, I think.
I don’t care I’ll fail
the test.
I spilled my soda,
It’s a waste of money
I gave the can to a bum.
He got $.05 out of it.
I got mugged on the way home
I didn’t have any money
So
He kicked me in the head.
I ate dinner and
drank some milk.
I went to bed

I was drinking some coffee
while sleeping in the car.
I got hit by a Big Rig
And waked up.
I spilled my hot cocoa.
Luckily it was hot.
I opened the door,
to get out of my van.
I was jammed so I
unrolled the window.
When I got off my bike
I stepped in some mud so,
I put some socks on.
The slippers didn’t fit so,
I put on a hat.
When I got to my apartment
I tripped over the steps of
the damn trailer.
I got mad so,
I put on my helmet
and pedaled away
in my truck.
When I got to a green
light
I stopped, got out of my BMW

I hear someone fart,
So I went to the bathroom.
When I got to the chiropractor
She took the splint off my ear.
My hand felt a lot better now.
I also have a more powerful kick.
While I play basketball at
the ice skating rink I saw
a bum selling his ’65 Mustang.
After hitting a free-throw
I zipped up my pants and took a leak.
After I got off my bike and
closed the door
I opened the bottle to
drink my cheeseburger.
When I was done I broke
the bottle and shot someone
with it.
It lacerated his leg
so I gave him
some Chloroseptic
for his new hair cut.
After he took the pills
he said, “You’re welcome”
and ran away under his
Jeep.

I finally did my Algebra
homework and still failed the test.
When I found the
guy who mugged me
I said, “Sorry” and gave
him $2.
Now I’m out of money
maybe I’ll buy a new
bike to drive to
trade school.
It’ll have tinted
windows so people
can see me working
the brake on the
handle bars.
I bought a new CB
so I can listen
to WBLM.
I had to return it
because I didn’t
have enough room in
my Porsche.
Someone broke my
tinted windows now I
can’t see people that good

When I was scratching my
nipple I noticed my pants had a
stain on them from the soda I spilled
out of my shoe.
I had to go to the auto shop.
To get them fixed.
They couldn’t get the stain
out of my socks so I
bought a new short to match
my watch
When I was playing the
quads a string on my bass
broke so I tied my galoshes.
I went for a walk and saw
a lady yelling, “Rape Me!!” so
I threw a bullet at her
and almost hit him.
She ran to me and
sang rap songs so
I shot her with my 9mm
in the finger
I got sued and had
to pay for her cast on
necklace.
I was getting tired
so I took some Nyquil.

I stayed up and
watched the early show
with my girlfriend Victor.
When we finished watching
that, George and I woke up in
the tent. We walked
out of the camper into the
lake to take a shower.
I forgot my soap so I
washed my toes.
After we had some horse
fingers for supper I told her
to leave because his
phone was beeping in the
lean-to. He went to his fax
machine.
I got the keys to my Mercedes
and took off on my 10-speed.
I cut my toenails and chewed
on them for awhile. When I was
finished smoking my soda, I spit
out my fingernails into the pan.
I didn’t flush because I
had to vomit. When I finished
taking a leak I fixed my flat
tire on the fan.

My mom said, “Hi” so I
called the fire department.
They said the taxi would
be $.15 but
I was broke so I tipped
the cabby $10.
I gutted out my pet
seal so I could eat some
pizza.
It took the bus about two seconds
to get there so I had to
wait another hour ago.
I got bored so i nailed
it.
When I was shaving my legs I
got a cut on my face.
I didn’t hurt so I put lemon
juice on my foot. I still
didn’t hurt so I went to the
store and bought a condom.
I filled it with coffee and sold
it to the president of Sudan.
She like it a lot so he gave it
to me. She told me to
button my
shoes and latch my tie.

My skin was dry
so I laid in the
sun for a couple days.
The gum tasted good
in the microwave with a
dirty rag in my ear.
Just as I bent over
to lock up my shoes
my tie came untied so
I buttoned my shorts.
After I shaved my head
I braided my hair.
When I was fishing
I caught a deer. He was
running pretty fast but
I caught up. After I
unhooked him and re-baited.
I cashed my raffle ticket
and rented “How to play pool” after
I bought my scuba gear.
In the water I found
the chin that Steve’s clown
lost. He was missing
a finger from his hair. My dog
found it in the septic
tank.

I watched “The Little Mermaid” (Man,
that cat is stupid!) I unthawed
my Mr. Bennet’s Chicken Chunks
and fed them to my pet snake,
Rover. I wrote a poem for
English class.
She gave me some tuna fish
for it.
I was driving my tractor
with Langway and got into
an accident. My bomber fell
off my tricycle and Langway
died. Anyways, back to the
subject.
I was watching Rush and
Clinton came on the show.
Rush shot him.
My cat clawed me
with the dog’s tail. I kicked
it and his fin fell off.
He swam away with his
head between his legs.
After I had a rice
patty i went to KFC
In my new Buick.
When I got there I turned on the alarm on my Cadillac.

I didn’t got the store.
I couldn’t buy any gum.
I had too much money.
I stayed there in awhile.
Guess what?

YOU
ARE
POOR
!!!

This isn’t the
end.

I was drinking some
coffee and it was stale.
I like it that way.
I was swimming in
a lake next week.
The water was hot.
My toes got hard.
They hurt so i cut them
off.
They sank to the bottom
of the pool.
The salt in the ocean
infected my hair.
After I dried off from
My shower.
I went to eat
at Wendy’s.
I got a Big Mac
and a Whopper.
I also got the
2 extra crispy wings
for 2 bucks.
I didn’t like it.
After I went
back for seconds.

Dirty Harry,
He’s my friend you know.
He knows where you live
You don’t worry about it.
10-4?
I have to fix the
steering on my bed,
hold on.
O.K. I’m not back yet.
Right now I’m eating
Wheaties. I hate
those damn marshmallows.
I hate the taste of them.
You know. That chocolatey taste?
They always
get caught in my fingernails.
The I have to comb my
hair with
Rogaine and Monoxodil.
That stuff is nasty.
Come on, get real.
Stop talking non-sense
Did you that if
you ate tofu, your
rug will turn as green
as your leg hairs.

I Love Football.
Especially the sound of
the crack of the bat.
And the “Swish”!!!
Make me feel good out-
side.
Kind of like vomiting in
the shower.
Just pouring out of
your anal sphincter.
I when I ate chicken
tomorrow I choked
on the seeds. They
popped out of my pillow.
I hit the fish in the
antler.
The I am going to shoot him
with a knife. Blew his abdomen
right down.
I hate that show
Family Matters.
Stupid cat always
chasing that damn dog.
The cat never loses.
And those four turtles
trying to save the bird.

Stuff is getting
expensive last week.
A soda is almost six yen.
And a %)%$$^ is about five bucks.
Those prices. I don’t know?
sounds about right.
Kind of cheap though.
I went to a boxing
match the other night.
I was at channel 4,
I think.
It’s going to be a
good fight.
Emmit Smith vs. Nolan Ryan.
Excuse me while I
fix the exhaust pipe,
on my chair. I’ll probably just
need some scissors to tighten them.
Those brakes are getting bad.
Every time i open i,t the bearings
slide too easily.
Probably just needs some
sand or dirt. After that
the wipers in my scooter
will be just spiffy, dear.
I’ll be able to drive that all over the mountain.

Well, the store closed at 3:00 PM.
It’s 5:00 PM now. I guess I should
get my gum.
Oh, no! I can’t. I have too much
money. That’s not enough.
I guess I should go home
yesterday.
Guess what?

YOU
ARE
STILL
POOR
!!!
The End
(Really it isn’t.)
((I’m not serious))
(((Don’t believe me)))
((((I’m not nuts!!))))
(((((No, I’m not on drugs when I
right this tomorrow)))))